


The Inquisition Goes to the Grocery Store

by Gardngoyle



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:13:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24064873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gardngoyle/pseuds/Gardngoyle
Summary: This is just a throwaway folks. A few years ago my daughter challenged me to bring the Inquisition characters to the Modern Era. I was skeptical. Then I wrote this.These days, grocery shopping is a lot more serious - but I hope you enjoy the light-hearted fun.Be well.
Relationships: Blackwall | Thom Rainier/Female Inquisitor, Iron Bull/Dorian Pavus
Kudos: 8





	The Inquisition Goes to the Grocery Store

Bull strode into the produce section with Anabelle riding piggyback, ‘Hey Blackwall,’ he boomed, ‘who has the list?’ 

Blackwall looked up at Anabelle. She was balancing a large can of Swiss Miss cocoa on Bull’s head, ‘Cocoa!’ she said triumphantly, handing the can to Blackwall. 

Vhenaria, looking lovely in a flowing ankle length dress of pinks and greens with the little velvet slippers she was forced to wear in the grocery store, frowned at Bull, ‘Too much sugar,’ she said, ‘For both of you.’

‘But Boss - it’s cocoa,’ he replied, in a mock pleading voice. Then, in a stage whisper, ‘I didn’t let her get any of the other stuff you won’t let her have.’ 

‘Ama - it’s cocoa.’ Belle begged in her own stage whisper. 

Blackwall, chuckling, set the cocoa in among the abundance of kale, carrots, grapefruits, egg roll wrappers, bean sprouts and potatoes, ‘Only for special days, Sprout’ he admonished.

‘Bearwall,’ Anabelle said, spreading her arms wide and nearly tumbling from her perch, ‘ALL the days are special.’

‘Been spending too much time with Dorian I think,’ Vhenaria said with a smile that belied her words.

‘Nice outfit,’ Blackwall tipped his head at Bull’s fluorescent pink hoodie with the arms cut off.’

‘Dorian Greatly Disapproves,’ Bull said smiling, ‘But at least I don’t look like a lumberjack.’ Both men were wearing combat boots and jeans, but Blackwall was sporting a green plaid flannel shirt.

‘I don’t like glowing in the dark,’ Blackwall replied defensively, ‘And Dorian’s got the list.’

‘Well, that’s not good,’ Bull said.

‘No, it’s fine,’ Blackwall assured him, ‘I sent Ryssa with him. 

‘So only two containers of ice cream,’ Bull replied. 

‘Something like that,’ Blackwall turned to Vhenaria. ‘My Lady,’ Blackwall took the bag of broccoli from her and set it in the cart, ‘let’s leave some produce for the rest of Ferelden - shall we?’ He kissed her temple and began guiding her toward the beer aisle.

***  
Bull, with Anabelle still clinging to his horns, made his way to the back of the store so he could check aisles for Dorian and Ryssa. Instead he found Cole standing in the meat department with that vague look on his face, mumbling to himself. An older woman was backing away from him slowly, a look of alarm on her face.

‘Cole?’ said Bull, ‘Why don’t you help me find Ryssa?’ 

‘One by one they come down the chute.’ Cole said vacantly, ‘So much blood. It smells like metal. Why does that man have a hammer?’

‘Ok,’ Bull said, pulling Cole away from the cold case. ‘Let’s see if we can get in touch with potato chips now.’

But before they could reach the snack aisle, they found Dorian loading large wine bottles into his cart while Ryssa looked on, resigned. ‘I’m wondering now why I let him adopt me,’ she lamented to Bull. 

‘Don’t fret, my dear child,’ Dorian assured her, ‘We need enough wine for everyone for a whole week.’

‘No,’ Bull countered, 'we fon't.' He handed Anabelle down to Ryssa and started taking bottles out of the cart. ‘We know where to get more. And this is enough wine for Redcliffe for a week. 

‘Spoilsport,’ Dorian huffed. 

‘I love you too,’ Bull replied placidly. ‘A little carried away, don’t you think?’ Bull refered to the contents of Dorian’s cart. Besides the wine there were bags of snack foods, ice cream - three containers- coffee, sparkling water from Antiva, M&M’s, alot of hair product, and frozen pizzas.

‘You recognize my description,’ Dorian said expansively, ‘And. I found the crunchy cheeto things you like,’ 

‘Bribing me won’t help,’ Bull replied.

‘I disagree.’

‘Oh, look,’ Bull ignored the jibe, ‘here comes the Boss.’

Vhenaria and Blackwall approached, their cart half full of fruits and vegetables - half full of steak, racks of ribs, and beer. She looked at the contents of Dorian’s cart and raised an eyebrow. ‘Well I certainly hope black silk stretches,’ she grinned, neatening Dorian’s collar.

Dorian touched his belly self-consciously, ‘What are you suggesting, Dove?’

‘I’m not suggesting anything,’ Vhenaria said innocently, ‘I was just wondering how many calories it takes to cast a spell. Less than it takes to - say - swing a sword.’ She scratched Blackwall’s belly through his flannel and pushed her cart towards the check out. 

Blackwall extracted a bag of Oreo’s from Dorian’s pile of loot, ‘I think I can get away with these,’ he said proudly, straightening his back and patting his own belly. 

‘You know this is snack food meant for the whole house?’ Dorian protested, ‘The Milano cookies are for Josie, and do you have any idea how many M&M’s Cullen goes through when he’s playing Mass Effect?’

‘She was only teasing,’ Ryssa said, giggling, ‘everyone knows you are in charge of overindulging.’

‘Well, then, that’s more like it,’ he looked down, Anabelle was standing next to him with her arms up, hands opening and closing, ‘Up,’ she said. ‘Sparkly.’

‘I’ll wager Varric taught you to call me that,’ Dorian said. He lifted her in his arms and indulged her desire to play with the row of piercings on his left ear and the rings on his fingers. 

‘Come on,’ said Bull, ‘before the Boss sticks you with the snack bill.’

‘Me?’ Dorian acted surprised.

‘Well, I’m not paying for the hair products,’ Bull replied.

***  
Vhenaria didn’t trust Dorian to drive the Lexus RX. He couldn’t blame her, there had been - incidents. Bull and Blackwall had taken their Harley Davidson's to the liquor store to pick up ‘staples’ so she only had Dorian, Cole, and the girls with her on the ride back to the Skyhold. It was an immense Victorian complex on a hilltop with wide rolling fields all around. A natural spring sourced a little river down the mountain. And their driveway was three miles of dirt road. 

Everyone ate lunch together in the huge dining room. Then scattered about the house for an hour or so before rehearsals. Bull and Blackwall were banished from the upstairs, where Vhenaria and Dorian were trying on outfits. Apparently they were not being ‘helpful.’ So they made their way down to the TV room only to find that space occupied by Cole, Ryssa and Anabelle. When Cole saw them he pointed at the TV and asked, ‘Why is that pig so mean to that frog?’

Bull took the remote from him, ‘Nevermind, Kid, your life is confusing enough without me trying to explain Muppets to you,’ Bull changed the channel. ‘Here. Watch that. It’s boring, but it’s people.’

‘That’s not boring,’ Blackwall said, ‘They're putting in marble countertops.’ He sat down on the sectional and started to get comfortable. Anabelle climbed onto his lap.

‘Unbelievable,’ said Ryssa, rolling her eyes.

Vhenaria and Dorian came into the room, 'Time for rehearsal,’ Vhenaria said, ‘let’s round up the troops.’

‘Thank the Maker, Rysaa said, ‘let’s go before Problem Bear sees them putting up drywall.’

‘Problem Bear,’ Blackwall’s brow furrowed, ‘are you referring to me, young miss?’

Ryssa wasn’t sure if Blackwall was joking or not, sometimes it was hard to tell. She started to turn red, ‘I meant Uncle Bear.’

Dorian rescued her, ‘Maker’s Eyes, I thought that was supposed to be between you and me and,’ he eyed Bull in his bright pink hoodie, ‘and the traffic cone.’

'Problem Bear!’ Vhenaria said leaning over the back of the sofa and throwing her arms around Blackwall’s neck, ‘I like that.’ She kissed his ear. 

“Bearwall is a problem?’ Anabelle asked blankly. 

‘You, Missy,’ Blackwall said smiling broadly and pointing at Ryssa, ‘this is your fault.’ 

Ryssa giggled and ran from the room with Blackwall giving chase. They ended up in the music studio where Ryssa hid behind Cullen. ‘Help!’ she laughed breathlessly, ‘it’s a Bear!’

Cullen had no idea what was going on but was happy to play along. He stood tall so he could protect the lady in distress. Blackwall tried to get around him but Cullen was having none of it. He pretended to slay the beast and Blackwall pretended to be defeated for the benefit of the game. Anabelle smacked a hand down on Blackwall’s face and tried to peel his eye open. She put a pudgy finger to her lips and said, ‘Shhh, Bearwall’s a-sleeping.’

Then it was time to rehearse. They warmed up with 'I’m Shipping Up to Boston' as the rest of the crew trickled it. It was quite a group. Lady Lavellan and the Inquisition Band had two full drum kits for Varric and Sera, Bull on bass, Blackwall and Cass on guitars, Dorian on keyboards, Leli, Josie - and occasionally Vivienne - sang backup and Vhenaria was the as much of a lead singer as they had. This was mainly a publicity thing. There were few rules to their performances. Different people would take lead vocal, sometimes Vhenaria would play guitar. Then had penny whistles and dulcimers, tambourines and bagpipes. It was very ‘anything goes.’ 

Cole, Ryssa, Anabelle and occasionally Solas were the audience and Cullen was the sound mixer and video guru. They had quite the You Tube following and occasionally did concerts on the Skyhold property. 

Tonight Vhenaria decided to work some more on the on ‘The Parting Glass.’ They had added a verse and were working out the kinks. ‘Ok guys,’ she said, ‘don’t make it a lament. Give us a little rock and roll.’ They began to play and Vhenaria gave the nod to Dorian for the first couple lines, ‘Of all the money that e'er I had, I spent it in good company.’

Then Vhenaria, ‘And all the harm I've ever done. Alas it was to none but me.’

Blackwall and Bull picked up the next bit, ‘And all I've done for want of wit, To mem'ry now I can't recall.’

Then everyone through the chorus, ‘So fill to me the parting glass. Good night and joy be to you all. So fill to me the parting glass, And drink a health whate’er befall, And gently rise and softly call - Good night and joy be to you all.’

Dorian came in like Freddy Mercury on the second verse, as the beat was picking up a bit, ‘Of all the comrades that e'er I had, They're sorry for my going away.’

Then Blackwall, ‘And all the sweethearts that e'er I had, They'd wish me one more day to stay.’

Bull came in next, ‘But since it fell unto my lot. That I should rise and you should not. I gently rise and softly call…’

Then everyone again, ‘Good night and joy be to you all.’ 

Vhenaria slipped her mic into its stand and began to clap, the band played a long bridge and then Varric and Dorian chimed in on the last verse, ‘A man may drink and not be drunk.’

Bull added his voice, to those two, ‘A man may fight and not be slain.’

Those three dropped out and Blackwall slowed the tempo, ‘A man may court a pretty girl, And perhaps be welcomed back again.’ He winked at Vhenaria. 

She smiled, and she Leli, and Josie took the first part of the chorus, ‘But since it has so ought to be, By a time to rise and a time to fall.’

Vhenaria waved her hand and everyone came in, ‘Come fill to me the parting glass,’ She slowed them. ‘Good night and joy be with you all.’ Then the instruments dropped out and just the voices sang sweetly, ‘Good night and joy be with you all.’

They stood there in silence for a moment, then erupted in laughter, applause, and Congratulations. ‘Cullen,’ Vhenaria said, ‘did you get all that?’

‘I did,’’ Cullen said, ‘It was perfect.’


End file.
